So, you’ve just discovered you have a termite infestation and you have no idea what to do about it.
Lucky for you, you have arrived at the right place.
I am going to tell you exactly what to do about termites. I promise that if you will trust me (yes me – a faceless, nameless web blogger with absolutely zero credentials or reputation) and follow these 10 simple yet magical steps, you will soon have your termite troubles under tight control.
Shall we begin?
What To Do About Termites :Bug Girl’s 10 Step Program
1) Call your mom and have a good cry. That’s right. Just let it all out like Dawson. You did nothing to deserve these nasty critters living inside your beautiful, cherished living space. No one does anything to deserve them. We are all innocent victims in this world of random termite attacks, so go on and cry your eyes out.
2) Relax and unwind. You need to do something to forget about termites for awhile before diving into damage control. My suggestion? Get in your car and go buy something that fits all of the following critera: 1) Expensive 2)Indulgent 3) Chocolate. Good. Now find your happy place… maybe drive to the beach, turn on some music, and eat your cares away. Devour that expensive chocolate like there’s no tomorrow. Buy more if necessary.
3) Drive back home, pick up the phone, and call Do My Own Pest Control at 866-581-7378. Seriously, do this. Remember how you trust me? The top-rated customer service representatives at DMOPC will take your hand and gently yet expertly guide you into taking control of your home back from enemy termites. They will help you choose exactly the right termite control products that best suit your situation. They will answer your every question. They will fill your every need. You will slowly begin to regain your natural zen state, calm focus, and peace of mind. This step could save you hundreds if not thousands of dollars over calling an exterminator. Just think of all the expensive chocolates you could buy with the money you save.
4) Receive products from Do My Own Pest Control within a matter of days. Most orders ship the same day, and shipping is FREE. (I know what you’re thinking, but at this point you probably don’t need any more chocolate. But you could buy something else with the money you save in shipping… like a nice pet gerbil.)
5) Read Termite Product labels and instructions. Yes, you do have to read all of it. Now is the time many do-it-yourself-ers will fold under pressure. Stay strong! Fight the urge to call an exterminator. Remember why you are doing this. To SAVE HUNDREDS TO THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS! Not convincing enough? Repeat after me: “Chocolate. Gerbils. Chocolate. Gerbils.”
6) Install or apply termite spray, termite foam, or termite bait systems. I know this sounds like rocket science but truly isn’t. You can do this. Believe in yourself! You graduated college for pete’s sake. And if not college, hopefully high school.
7) Re-apply termite products or refill and monitor termite bait stations monthly, bi-annually or annually as needed. The schedule for reapplication will be clearly indicated on the product label.
8.) If you stress or find yourself exhibiting signs of anxiety-induced panic attack while carrying out steps five or six, stop everything and repeat steps one, two, and three.
9) Pat yourself on the back. Your termite troubles are under control and you saved yourself thousands of dollars by doing your own pest control!
10) Now go tell your friends about the expert advice and superior customer service you received at Do My Own Pest Control. Don’t forget to mention your savings, new stockpile of chocolate, and pet gerbil.
And be sure to tell ‘em Bug Girl sent ya.